My Story Continues

Assignments+never-ending tasks+slack-time= Lack of update

 

I will talk more about the ski trip next time. Just have a sudden urge to blab out some random thoughts.

 

It’s been a while since I’ve expressed myself relationship-wise. I find it hard every time I do so. It’s hard to tell what I feel. Hard to tell what I want.

Humans are complicated. I am complicated.

Being a bachelor(still..), for nearly two years now, brought me to experience a life of freedom, excitement, easygoing and carefree days as well as releasing me from having arguments, fights and relationship pressures. It has also opened up my flexibility to talk to other girls and get to know them more. I should be enjoying life, unlike those tied down men who have to face the rants and riots from their girlfriends everyday, living up to their sky-high expectations, having holes in their wallets and suffering major trauma from them. I could stay up late gaming, go anywhere I want, hang out with anyone I want and above all, having the choice of going for another girl.

It is not wrong for a guy to chase after a girl he likes. It is a healthy exercise in a sort of way. At least, it helps to know that he still likes girls.

 

Traditionally, it is only right for males to make the first move, which I totally agree. However, it is hard for a guy who doesn’t know exactly how the opposition thinks of him for him to make the right move. Its like gambling and taking risks. Either you win or you lose. Hence, the guy would resolve to ways in reducing the possibilities by taking hints from the girl. But, shouldn’t pursuing further relationships be made simpler?

 

For example:

Boy likes girl.

Boy meets girl.

Boy says, “ I like you. Can give me a chance to be your boyfriend?”

If girl has interest in boy, “Okay, we can try.”

If girl dislikes boy, “Go die.”

 

After all, it is the matter of both side’s willingness. If one has the slightest interest in the other, what’s the point of being together then? One hand clapping can’t make sound, can it?

 

Somehow, the feeling isn’t right in me. I always think its wrong to get too close to another girl and a distant must be maintained even though I am still single. Maybe its just a delusion resulting from failed attempt to rekindle those sparks again. Maybe I’m just entrapped in my own psychology of love. Maybe, I just haven’t found the right one. Or maybe, I’m just thinking too far away.

“Why would one want to be in a relationship?” which begs the question. You’d end up in quarrels, fights, and break-ups either way if both are not matured and patient with each other enough. From a guy’s point of view:

a) Is it because of being love drunk? (Not the song!)

b) Does it have to do with the rising man hormones a.k.a. hamsapness in you?

c) Or is it to do with loneliness?

   

Perhaps being in love is merely to remove that loneliness inside of you. Nothing more. The thought of knowing someone will be by your side under whatsoever condition. Someone who cares for you and giving you a chance to care back. Someone who has a say in your life and you have a say in his/hers. Someone whom you can be all fussy wussy to. Someone who touches your life, as how you touch theirs. Someone who shares with you sweet, sour, bitter and..hot times. It all links back to disposing loneliness, doesn’t it?

Not that I’m being pessimistic or emo. Love is indeed beautiful, filled with ups and downs, which is an alluring process and an essential part in life. Yet, it is surreal and hard to comprehend. Until I truly discover myself and “her”, I am setting my relationship issue aside. It might take months, years, or even decades for me to be actively engaged in a relationship again. Okay, maybe not decades! Wouldn’t want my manhood to rust and grow spider webs lah.

Don’t get me wrong. I do want a chance to be with the girl I like. Who doesn’t? But, it is always the issue of confidence holding one down when it comes to finding love. There is no perfection in love, that is to be sure of. For all one knows, simplicity may be the closest to being perfect.

 

Sigh. As simple as I want it to be, I find it difficult to free myself from the complicatedness that lies within. Love has been slipping away from my grasp every time I try to grab hold of it…

 

Perhaps, all I need is time.

  

Alright, enough gibberish.  

 

Currently working my brains out doing the HOI assignment.

Question:“Why did the French Revolution occur?”

Answer: “The French Revolution occurred because the people in France were spinning around in a circle, thus forming a revolution” (Keith, cited in ElectroBob 2009: 6) .

 

 

If only answers were that simple.